Friday, November 14, 2014

The 3-minute Management Course

 Lesson 1:



A man is getting into the shower just as his wife
is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in atowel and runs
downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob,the
next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800
to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her
towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few
seconds, Bob hands
her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who
was
that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she
replies. "Great!" the
husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information
pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders, in time, you may be
in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.

==========================================================


Lesson 2:

A priest offered a nun a lift. She got in and crossed
her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly
had an
accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand
up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest
removed
his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide
up her leg
again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember
Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is
weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
look up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek - further up, you will
find glory."

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a profitable
opportunity.

===========================================================


Lesson 3:

A sales rep, administration clerk, and the manager are
walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it
and a
Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."


"Me first! Me first!" says the administration clerk.
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat,
without a care in
the world." Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be
in Hawaii, relaxing
on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of Pina
Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! She's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office
after lunch."

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

==========================================================


Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small
rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit
like you and do
nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the
rabbit sat on
the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing,
you must be sitting
very, very high up.

==========================================================


Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be
able to get
to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I
haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?"
replied bull,
"They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it
actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the
tree. The next day,
after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
perched at the top of
the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot him
out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top,
but it won't keep
you there.

=========================================================

Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was
so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped
some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung,
he began to realize
how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him
out! He lay there
all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A
passing cat
heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the
cat discovered the birdunder the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him
out and ate him.

Moral of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's smart to keep
your mouth shut!

Thus, ends the 3-minute management course. Now go
forth and succeed!!!!!

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